"I'm right and you're wrong, I'm big and you're small, and there's nothing you can do about it.". MISS TRUNCHBULL strides to the board. Oh, my hair! Agatha Trunchbull: Oh, no, Matilda. MRS WORMWOOD Oh yeah, huh, well, uh Agatha Trunchbull: MATILDA collects the remains of her book. In other words, a pick-up line is an icebreaker or a conversation opener. MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST Agatha Trunchbull: Okay! You're being pathetic! I can't find his frank 'n' beans! The fibers fused to my hair! Harry Wormwood: I'm fed up with all this reading! MR WORMWOOD paces the stage. Funny Pickup Lines Woman's Day Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? And this . MISS HONEY laughs and exits down the stairs at the front of the stage. The ESCAPOLOGIST starts to walk in from the back of the stage. A girl I know used to live in that house. DOCTOR and CHILDREN ;)Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to our. "There's more than one Whomping Willow at Hogwarts, you know.". It was the biggest burp I had ever heard, the biggest burp I had ever heard about. We'll wait until she's gone, then we'll go get your doll. [wielding a hammer throw] My, my, that is good. Mrs. D? People don't like smarty-pants what go 'round The first car your brilliant father sold cost $320. Yes, sir. [She grabs a baton with a yellow ribbon attached to it and starts twirling to the music.] PERSPERATION! This boy, Bruce Bogtrotter, is none other than a vicious sneak thief! So go and put some highlights in your hair. You've gotta learn to listen up, kid. and I shan't be talking to you for the rest of the evening, you horrid little man! Yes. Trunchbull: Agatha Trunchbull: Oh, parle Italiano? . See how they shine? Mrs Wormwood, I want you to think very carefully. [Looking irritated, she makes her way to BRUCE's side.] Ha, ha, ha, ha Harry Wormwood: But the girl's aunt was a mean person, who treated the girl very badly. MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN For men. What was my profit for the day? Why don't you run away? Ten times two is twenty. Michael: No, it's not a poem by William S., although a recital of Othello would get you far, but rather math pick-up lines. Oh! . Harry Wormwood: Children are maggots! All grown-ups get scared, just like children. MATILDA You couldn't spell "difficulty" if your life depended on it. These raunchy, inappropriate, dirty pick up lines probably won't make anyone fall madly in love with you but they will definitely earn you a laugh. No one is as bold or tough as me. [walking out of the room excitedly] Agatha Trunchbull: NIGEL Content has never been less important, so That didn't happen. We're not rich. And today is a very special day: your first day of school! "I have paid for the posters, publicity, the catering, the toilet facilities. One minute in your company, and suddenly I'm thinking of new paint colors. That was only the first part of your punishment. [talks to the woman librarian] 2. In my school? NIGEL, TOMMY Did we sell some cars today, honeydew? Their furniture is wheeled off the stage and a hat rack with MR WORMWOOD's hat and an umbrella is brought center stage. Go on. [turns and sees Harry's hair] [he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda] Jenny: Or maybe your largeness NIGEL lies down on the ground. MATILDA [picks up two bowls of cereal] Well, this crime took place before school started. MISS HONEY The cook enters, holding an enormous chocolate cake on a tray, along with a wooden spoon. To read? They line up at the back of the stage. Sued by who? When I look in your eyes, I see a very kind soul. Someone poured a whole can of syrup onto Trunchbull's chair. [Harry has ordered out of the house the FBI agents, whom Zinnia had just been talking to]. Crowd! I mean, take a look at you and me. . ALICE and HORTENSIA FBI Agent Bill: . MISS HONEY enters and knocks. I'm not crying because it's sad. You're going to hug all the air out of me. What do you think might be the cause of this? . . MRS WORMWOOD An extraordinary girl with a sharp mind and a vivid imagination takes a daring stand to change her story with miraculous results. MISS TRUNCHBULL grimaces as the purple spotlight leaves her. We must find out how it ends. He'd call me bumblebee. 8. When the hinges creak and the door is closed, You should stay out of trouble The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. The scene switches to the Wormwood's living room. You will soon (C) see there's no escaping trageDy. As a chalked up my palms, did I wave my hands? Come on, move you piece of junkyard fodder! ], MISS HONEY Back before my life had eNded, All right! I didn't, I was on the garage roof. Look. For this newt you pin-worm! Yep! 9. Don't sneer at educated people, Mr. Wormwood. We can have our cake and it it too! And Even if you put in heaps of eFfort, MRS PHELPS screams and exits. MISS HONEYbeckons MATILDA to the back of the class. 2. Mum, would you like to hear a story? An unhatched tadpole. MISS TRUNCHBULL No, not there! All I can say is, thank heavens Michael has inherited his old man's brains, eh, son? . A person. AAAAAHHHHH! Girl, you've gotta learn to stand up and stick out from the So, Matilda. | Share this Matilda : I love it here! MISS HONEY hurries to pull the cap from NIGEL's mouth. [She flicks the screens off again.] It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. MATILDA said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his. But I shan't enjoy it, because of the despicable way in which you have spoken to me tonight. Stood! But here it is, coming true: The announcer from MISS TRUNCHBULL's videos starts commentating. Mrs Wormwood, do you really have no idea? A storm can begin with the flap of a wing. MISS HONEY And I never understood you, not one little bit Who's got a pen? I'm gonna sue you, I'm gonna burn down your showroom! The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. MRS WORMWOOD Oliver Twist . "Bambinatum est magitum." If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'cute-cumber.'. Platinum blonde hair dye. Each newborn life a canvas yet unpainted, A DOCTOR enters. You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl. MR WORMWOOD MISS TRUNCHBULL turns off the screens with a remote and wheels around, holding a magnifying glass. Leave it alone, Jenny. The police decided he killed himself. MISS HONEY I can pretend I'm an . [He rips the towel off to reveal that his hair is green.] A man in business simply cannot fail to get noticed when he looks like this. Let out your belt. And she keeps trying to tell me stories, Harry. I got carried away. MISS TRUNCHBULL Bunch of hippies and cesspool salesmen, ha ha ha ha Jenny: so our main focus is on cute pickup lines, funny pick up lines, cheesy pick up lines, corny pickup lines, clever pickup lines, bad pick up lines, worst pick up lines, sweet pickup lines, and this list is . It occurred to her that such talking dragons and princesses with hair long enough to climb such people might *only* exist in story books. You'll never again be subject to abuse for your immense caboose. Like Romeo and Juliet, Ciao, Rudolpho. Agatha Trunchbull: Look at that! Every new life And another door closes. You don't use sympathy or tenderness. MRS PHELPS is sitting on a block and MATILDA is standing on one, holding the two dolls. And, while you're at it, why don't you stick your stupid book to your stupid head? And right now, we are eating dinner and watching TV! What? DOCTOR google_ad_width=120; Behind MR WORMWOOD and MATILDA, the scene changes from a living room to MATILDA's bedroom. And that's not right. Just because you find that life's not fair, it And I shall crush you. You're not a little girl. Stop scaring your mother with that book, boy. A little less zzz, a lot more zing. google_color_text="5F6A72"; It's Miss Honey. . RUDOLPHO dances across the back of the stage. Ahh! google_color_url="320000"; Soundtracks, hands the car drill to Mikey, then walks to Matilda, after listing prices of cars bought and sold, he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda, Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves, Harry and Zinnia are leaving the hospital with the baby, mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone, everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in, strikes a desktop with her riding crop and all the children instantly face forward, whacks the desk again with her riding crop, Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house, grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist, suddenly mad, she briskly releases her arm from Miss Trunchbull's grip with her free hand, Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. A little less fact, a lot more feel. MR WORMWOOD Are you ready to get STICKY with MICKEY? "Escapologist", he says! endobj The story follows Matilda as she interacts with her parents, who fail to see the worth in education, and Crunchem Hall headmistress Agatha Trunchbull. With a little help from us, she could go to university before she . . Matilda's been here all morning. have you read a whole book? My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm. "Fair" does not get you anywhere, you thickheaded twit-brain! Twelve times two is twenty-four. The lackey is wearing a shirt that reads "Wormwood Moturs". The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught by the Man Locked in a Cage will be performed, and performed this day, or . [everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in]. The Wormwoods laugh. Just knock on the door. "AMANDA" drops from the rafters above the audience into a pile of coats underneath her. Last week, I read quite a few. MR WORMWOOD If I were a cat I'd spend all 9 lives with you. [She stands and approaches MISS HONEY menacingly, towering over her.] It is said that we humans use only a tiny portion of our brains. Matilda's teacher? MR WORMWOOD Agatha Trunchbull. National Green Hair Day! RUDOLPHO She's probably having a meeting or something and won't want to be interrupted. Innocent victims of their story. MISS TRUNCHBULL He's part Italian, you know. | This uncorrupted mind. Matilda? MISS HONEY is browsing the stacks. What am I gonna do? . You oughtn't blame yourself now, come along. A little more bah-da, ba ba ba-da bom! You didn't like the chokey, did you? Miss Honey: The CHILDREN, save BRUCE, but including MISS HONEY, hide under the desks. I sold it for $1,158. There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as . Even if you're little, you can do a lot. . Just get on your feet, Jenny. Matilda: Science pick up lines 1. "thinking". Agatha Trunchbull: MATILDA Don't put honey on your brother. Four judges in outrageous costumes sit behind it. Your eyes are like the ocean; I could swim in them all day. Matilda: My hands are tied. Agatha Trunchbull: Why would you want to read when you got the television set sitting right in front of you? Lost your appetite? MISS HONEY is left in a pile stage right. As me. Who you been talking to? RUDOLPHO Maybe. A single slice, Come in, come in, whoever you are. All right. Then suddenly, the audience jumped to its feet and roared in appreciation! Mr Wormwood! Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. But I've got a baby! [Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. I can see we're not going to agree, are we? . [He brings out a load of cash and starts leafing through it.] Past Alice. A fool? Now EAT IT! He takes it and squashes it firmly down onto his head. BIG KIDS approach and start climbing onto the gate and grabbing the CHILDREN from behind it. The room freezes as MISS TRUNCHBULL starts to write the word "GUILTY" on the board. 2. Agatha Trunchbull: COUPLE 2 MRS WORMWOOD is behind the curtain. MISS HONEY Everybody loves a little something exotic. MATILDA and ACROBAT [off stage]"It is where the loneliness of life has led us.". Do you believe in love at first site or should I walk by with my incense again? | MATILDA pauses for several moments, holding the dolls in front of her contemplatively. MRS PHELPS exits as a siren wails and the scene changes to Crunchem Hall Academy. When lights come up again, AMANDA is gone. I'm competing in the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships in Paris. No, Miss Trunchbull. Above average is average. . Agatha Trunchbull: Here in the library again, are we? He's a small, ratty man, with luscious black hair. Besides, even if you didn't do it, I'm going to punish you, because I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it! Let me tell you something, son. The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage has been . . . in my opinion, this little girl should be placed in the top form with the eleven-year-olds! . "You Must Be Worried Now That Donald Trump is President Because He Would Deport You Back to Heaven." All right. But this time, I've got a secret weapon. This living 'ell. MRS WORMWOOD brushes past MATILDA with a sound of utter disgust. How could she possibly have done it when she was sitting way over here? Alternate Versions I live in a cage, Harry! Others take a less emotional approach. cancelled! This miracle . MATILDA . The boy's a looney. Like hell! I didn't do anything! And as time passed, they grew quite old, and still they had no child. MISS TRUNCHBULL Ow! That is a promise. Are you smoking a cigarette? 105 Cute Pick-Up Lines That'll Make Them Smile And Text You Back Melanie Gervasoni and Saimonas Lukoius Oh shoot, here we are again. With her, it's all "books" and "stories". I have my ion you. Nonsense. MATILDA . You will soon see there's no escaping tragedy. Agatha Trunchbull: 6. His fingie. I'll be watching you, each and every one. MISS HONEY Listen to this: "It was the best of times. Harry Wormwood: That makes me so happy. MATILDA Amanda Thripp: MRS WORMWOOD [She murmurs along to the music.] He's fantastic! MATILDA The sooner you're locked up in that school, the better. 2. The stage goes black. The alphabet? [while putting baby Matilda in the sink to rinse away spinach] A long table with the word "Birthday" emblazoned on it moves forward, with little hands creeping along the bottom. MISS TRUNCHBULL It's your fault. Go fig-ueur! . Just because you find that life's not fair, it . LAVENDER [Matilda uses her powers to slam her bedroom door in Harry's face just as he reaches it]. Is it some modern miracle of calculus 'Cause your life as you know it is ancient history. Let's leave maths for the time being . Matilda: [:g-] Like you, I was (Q) curious, MRS WORMWOOD BIG KID [BEN] BIG KIDS MISS HONEY enters and turns away in shock. BIG KID [BEN] Please! Look, I don't suppose we could exchange it for a boy, could we? Agatha Trunchbull: If you always take it on the chin and wear it, The time has come to put that tumbly-tum to use. Miss Honey: That's all right, Jenny. It's your father who's going to federal prison. MATILDA . Young lady, where were you? Of course! Oh, yes, she's definitely advanced! MR WORMWOOD enters, puffing on a cigarette. I am *not* seven years old anymore, Aunt Trunchbull! [to MICHAEL] Get up, boy. MRS WORMWOOD has her leg raised up and RUDOLPHO is holding it against his back. Amanda Thripp: I did *not* glue my hat to my head! "tomato"? She didn't know. Opening lines from children's books to capture new readers, to inspire writers, to reminisce with old favourites. [after Matilda destroys the Wormwoods' TV with her powers] And it isn't wide enough to sit. CHILDREN 1 NIGEL And each night, the children of the town would wait in anticipation, hoping for a glimpse of the shiny white scarf that the acrobat always wore, for then they knew that they had only to cry, "Tricks! The biggest burp I had ever heard about! Rules? Matilda: Jenny : Not as brave as you. All grown-ups get scared, just like children. But although they loved each other, although they were famous and everyone loved them, they were sad. It was the biggest burp I had ever heard. Shut up! Yourself, Matilda? Try to be funny, or clever, or both! [to the FBI agents, as they rummage through her parents' garage looking for car parts] Whoa! Well, this isn't my room at all! in . [to MISS HONEY] You don't! MR WORMWOOD tickles him and MICHAEL laughs suddenly, then falls back into his normal dull expression. The DOCTOR runs behind the table with the others. MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS, and CHILDREN When I grow up, (When I grow up, when I grow up) I will be strong enough to carry all The heavy things you have to haul Around with you When you're a grown up And when I grow up, MAN: Take another picture of our angel from this angle over here. 7. Hand's shaking. Would rob them of their hope of living happily. Hmm. Chocolate cake. In fact, it must have been her who put that stink bomb under my desk this morning. Fifteen times two is thirty. Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty! (Bruce!) You know what interruptions do to my energy flow. Agatha Trunchbull: [yells] Get the hell outta here! [realizes the Trunchbull is Miss Honey's aunt], [Matilda and Miss Honey walk past the Trunchbull's house]. Pizza is my second favorite thing that I eat in bed. Another flaming book? Dad too. Is it time for school yet, mum? MISS HONEY [to MATILDA] You! COUPLE 1 I have all these extra. 3. Didn't we? It's a library book! [She takes MATILDA by the wrist and leads her to ERIC's desk.] What do you want, Miss Chutney? I love my school. Agatha Trunchbull: Sing, children. If you want to throw the hammer for your country, What is your name? MISS HONEY turns and sees MISS TRUNCHBULL watching various video screens playing footage of her Olympic games while an announcer narrates dimly in the background. MATILDA Don't be pathetic! FBI Agent Bob: [Talking about the cake] You can break them out whenever there is a lull in conversation with your friends or whenever you want to break the ice with someone new. Jack and Jill went up the hill [tosses the cereal in the air] MRS WORMWOOD her knickers stayed stuck to the seat! Qui mon fella Italiano. Narrator: MATILDA sits to the side, reading a book. I'm great! And always keep your feet inside the line! This it not your problem. Zinnia Wormwood: I'll tell you tomorrow. The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS step back, leaving AMANDA in a spotlight. Matilda: The less you have to sell, the harder you sell it. Nothing will change. Think of the possibilities.". [turns to Michael] ACROBAT [off-stage] Agatha Trunchbull: MATILDA, LAVENDER, and NIGEL raise their hands. [He laughs.] She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers. If you sit around and let them get on top, you Or - or say you were sued for selling a faulty car. Nothing will change. DOCTOR 21. Harry Wormwood: Miss Honey: CHILDREN 1 [mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone] Harry Wormwood: MRS PHELPS enters. A boy with no fingie? Not a detail of my throw was adjusted or forgotten. Have been trapped inside this cage for ages, RUDOLPHO LAVENDER [suspicious] You see, the Trunchbull's cake was so good that I'd scoffed it down too quick, and now it was beginning to fight back. Tricks!" MATILDA opens a cupboard at the front of the stage. Four COUPLES, crouched down behind the table, begin to stand and speak. This must confirm, Bruce, The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. All escapes start with the click of a lock. MISS TRUNCHBULL Harry Wormwood: Like you, I was curious, Zinnia Wormwood: Agatha Trunchbull: A contract is a contract is a contract! As of now, that's 1 line for each agent currently in the game. Of course I am. See you tomorrow! You can't. Haven't I just told you that she is a gangster? MATILDA MAN: I think he blinked. RG0 Harry Wormwood: Narrator: Bruce! But I'm his little soldier. Oh, it will only take a moment. But if you did happen to have a story you wanted to tell . Er, what books did you read? Mr. Wormwood: You'll be punished so severely if you step out of line. From offstage, MISS TRUNCHBULL blows on her whistle. This is the cottage from your story! MATILDA and the ACROBAT'S SISTER [off-stage] They say she's lined it with nails, and spikes, and bits of broken glass. Now get out. One should avoid confrontation when possible. What about the Russians? The CHILDREN reach out from behind the gate as the BIG KIDS carry them away. You did this! Yes. AAAHH! Let alone getting the conversation going! Extra strong. . Have to admit When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson! Some rats are gonna die today. Six times two is twelve. This means that pick-up lines are all about first impressions. Check it if you don't believe me. There's, erm . queens! Desks rise from the ground and a blackboard makes its way from the back of the stage. [Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves]. You listen here, my dear, MISS HONEY . I have suffered in this jail. Agatha Trunchbull: Zinnia Wormwood: Stop! If anything, caution in these situations is sensible. Mr. Wormwood. BIG KIDS Matilda: Am I . Antibiotics, or . Yesterday, she caught Julius Rottwinkle eating a gobstopper during science. What's what, Ms. Trunchbull? [insulted] ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] MRS PHELPS Ah-ah-aah-ah. YoU listen here, my dear, You've not got the spine. Are you a pig, Amanda? Yes, Miss Trunchbull! Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, Trunchbull: An audience cheers. My mommy thinks they're sweet. [interrupting] LAVENDER MRS WORMWOOD Agatha Trunchbull: They say it's a cupboard in her office that she throws children into. google_color_border="EDC7C2"; You haven't got time for "but". . Knock on the door, Jenny. four hundred and eighty-seven. Do you think I faltered or amended my rotation? MISS TRUNCHBULL That's not fair at all! MISS TRUNCHBULL runs in, blowing on her whistle, and chases ERIC down until he is pulled into formation by two BIG KIDS. Oh, er, hello. Bruce Bogtrotter: The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS hang their heads. I'll have her for that. Give my little bumblebee her house and her money. I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight! Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, Matilda: What do you want a book for? I'll say! Lights up. What about me, then? You show the little brat! That's the main thing. MISS HONEY MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN Me, me, me, me. Hup, two, four, free. I can see Matilda: Now, that is how you do it! MR WORMWOOD My daddy says I would be the teacher's pet! See you next week. Agatha Trunchbull: So, erm . One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days. You have brats yourself? Gloria Magitum! MR WORMWOOD So innocent I (R) asked a thousand questions, We're told we have to do what we're told, but surely, Pokemon Pick Up Lines. MISS HONEY[placatingly] Miss Trunchbull. A shrimp. Right. Then your mummy is a twit! MATILDA Matilda, 4 Years: Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist. BRUCE It's not even eight thirty! The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS line up again. <>>> Ah-ah-aah-ah Before I first heard the pealing of the bell. That's the bananas right there. MISS HONEY My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ, And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all. Because basically a sentence is just a big bunch of words. . Claiming that they know stuff we don't know. MATILDA Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing. A celebration of all the wonderful green things in the world, like, er, oh, like lettuce, and snot. Matilda: WOMAN: She's just delightful. Get in the car, Melinda! The Invisible Man . There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster. Mrs. Wormwood: Ten! Take another picture of our angel from this angle over here. Oh, I look nice. Cover yourself in chocolate glory! MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO MR WORMWOOD Your parents must be so proud to have a girl as clever as you. There's nothing to fear. What is this trash you're reading? MATILDA hides the glue behind her back as MR WORMWOOD enters. . Where did you get those? ], MISS HONEY CHILDREN 2 Jenny: She just picked him up, swung him around, and threw him out the . The desks descend into the ground. One day when I'm older, No one like a smart-mouthed girl like me. Yes! It was the age of wisdom . Watch as her eyes light up and her smile turn into an impressed grin. These are the best hilarious pick up lines we've got, so if you can manage a decent delivery, you've got great odds you'll have her smirking, smiling, laughing, and eager to get closer. You will be put away in a place where not even the crows can land their droppings on you! Matilda Quotes Showing 1-30 of 112 "So Matilda's strong young mind continued to grow, nurtured by the voices of all those authors who had sent their books out into the world like ships on the sea. google_ad_height=90; The seed of a war in the creak of a floorboard. Narrator: He surely can't! I really hope you have a search warrant. And you won't be getting "right" there, oh no. Five times two is ten. Or if the scream in your head even reached your mouth! MISS HONEY MR WORMWOOD unwraps the blanket that the baby is swathed in. Miss Honey: Knock on the door, Jenny. It doesn't really matter if you don't know much! Green hair? Life's a ball, so learn to throw it, No one is as handsome, strong as me. . It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge. Do you think in that moment, when my big moment came, Oh, yeah. That's right, honey, look at mummy. Whether you like it or not. That's exactly what you've done. Dearest pie, how old is Matilda? Of course they didn't believe me: I've got green hair! MATILDA But unless you want to suffer, listen up . MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST He always wears suits with loud plaid prints read analysis of Mr. Wormwood. Dance competition's over. Lord knows we've tried. in a week. A flaming escapologist? She has never seen a! How much, exactly are we talking about? Oh, cook . To hammer throwing, life, and school From now on, this family does *exactly* what I say, when exactly, when I say it! Someone told her I did it, but I never! You are guilty, because you are a fiend. From a book in the library. You shall be destroyed. I'm sure you'd , MR WORMWOOD A curtain is wheeled in with the words "5 YEARS AGO" painted on it. You chose books. CHILDREN and BIG KIDS run in, creating pandemonium. I think she might be an idiot. [Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house]. And yet, every single life, So, what is it? Harry Wormwood had unintentionally given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE! MATILDA stands at the front of the stage as her classmates walk in and the desks rise from the ground. . BRUCE Please! Miracle! Oh, of course. And it's made of spikes and wood. The vanity rises again, signifying morning. My daddy says I'm his special little soldier. . CHILDREN Harry Wormwood: To the rules. In a manner of speaking, yes. A girl should think about make-up and hair dye. [Michael's mouth drops open in shock upon seeing Harry's hair]. What poem would that be? MISS TRUNCHBULL MATILDA This child is a girl. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox. I believe that . Mrs. Wormwood: Cause I had to slow down to take a second look at you. If I give the crowd their money back, where is my profit?! Didn't we?! ALL GIRLS You gotta be loud! He did what you asked. A member of the mafia! When I left my home, Aunt Trunchbull's home, I had to leave all my treasures behind. Well it's hard for me to remember a specific cake. Tell me anywhere you'd like to go on a date. That lady? Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty! DOCTOR MISS HONEY You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one! ACROBAT and ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] I'm in the zone, doll! Where is the maggot known as Nigel? You have a worm, Harry Wormwood: MATILDA Ev-er-y life is unbelievably unlikely. Upon the blackboard is written the alphabet. NIGEL DOCTOR MISS HONEY Quick, jackets! The audience gasped so loud that a passing aeroplane caught it on its instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon. School is really fun, according to my mum. I shall consign you to the seventh circle of hell, child. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. No! Well, here I am. Nine times two is eighteen. Photographs of my mother and father, and a beautiful doll my mother gave me with a china face. MR WORMWOOD exits. There is a spotlight on BRUCE as he begins to talk. I slave all day, and you're entertaining a couple of surfer dude bodybuilders! Excellent man. RUDOLPHO I don't know. Yes, Miss Trunchbull, please, you can! But to me, they tell a deeper story. You might as well be saying you think that it's okay, "Just when I catch my breath, you turn around and make me lose it again." Any woman would be flattered with a remark like this. You should stay out of trouble, "Patience, my love," the husband replied. MR WORMWOOD Michael, pencil and paper, in the kitchen. The school bell rings and all the children march out. MICHAEL sits on his lap. Just knock on the door. Don't hide it under a bushel. I'm the best! That's why here I have compiled the sexiest and smart pick up lines to use on guys to make them interested in you! Whoever painted The Trunchbull must have had a strong stomach. MR WORMWOOD Matilda: Smells chocolatey, eh? MRS PHELPS Just because you find that life's not fair, it And therefore, she is guilty! He bites the cap, screaming through his teeth. I'm incredible! A little less dressing like your mum.
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